uh, and what?



lol cool font size



bc the white uneven borders r so cool



oh is she floating in space?



white people...



gag

Oh, and here's another tidbit. Before the insurance runs out for mom and me from her old job, I've set up an appointment with the dermatologist and a therapist. I've never been to a therapist before for a million and one reasons, but I figure, why the hell not? I obviously have a problem with bottling things up, and if I can't trust this place to do it, or my own friends, then I might as well get my insurance's worth and let it out in a small confined place. I'm actually scared to death, but fuck it, I might as well face my fears.

Fine.

Since no one believes me, I'll say it here: I've been applying to every job imaginable. Kayla, I fucking haven't been picky like I was last year and the year before, but since you won't believe me, fucking fine. I haven't talked to you because I'm tired of you lecturing me. Every time I talk to you it's like you're lecturing me instead of encouraging me. I'm sick of it. There, I said it, take it or leave it.

I have called places. I have walked to places. I've walked ten miles to get to a damn job only for them to say there's no available positions because no one doesn't believe me when I say there is no close bus stop to where I live. I have applied everywhere online, gone in store, and done everything, and for what? To keep getting rejected, time and time again. And now my mom is in the same boat, but at least she's getting phone calls way more than me because she's got more experience than me.

I keep fucking trying, and I'm in a goddamn hole. I don't need people to tell me, what are you, two, what are you, not trying, being online watching shit and writing fics? Really. This is why I don't want to talk anymore, because of shit like this. I don't do it all the goddamn time. I write stuff that's original, I do things to improve myself, but I don't talk about it. So apparently, if I don't talk about it, I'm not doing it, right? Right.

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but it's not like I'm doing this day in and day out. I've been indulging in that for small days, like one whole day, then go out and try again and again and again. And you know what, at least I'm fucking trying. At least I'm trying to do something. At least I try every day to fill out one damn application to one place. You can't really do goddamn much in South San Jose. All the jobs are in the Peninsula and San Francisco. And Bart costs money that I already don't have. I raid craigslist every day sending out my application with a good cover letter, and for WHAT?

All I wanted to do was just use this LJ to rant, to just let my emotions go, but instead I get attacked for being a lazy ass bitch who isn't interesting and... all that other shit.

Fuck you all. Fuck you fucking all. I can do this. I can really do it. I just have no damn inspiration or will because I keep getting rejected and shit. I haven't slept right, ate right, or anything, because I keep bottling shit up.

There, I said my peace. I'm tired of being the little girl who deletes entries or comments. That's how I fucking feel, these are my thoughts, blah blah blah. None of you know what I do because I don't say it-- that's what it makes me angry. You don't know, because I don't say. I know right now I'm letting you all get to me, but I'm a human being, and when people you like say shit like that to you, it gets to you. I'm incredibly alone here and all I want is a damn hug, but I won't get it. I also hate that I sound like a whiny bitch, but fuck it, I've been keeping this in for months and I nearly committed suicide because of this. I'm tired of bottling this in.

I'm going to finish my homework and study for the GRE. I'm done. I just... I'm so full of hate and anger and I hate that I am letting my feelings go, but fuck it. I don't care anymore. Say all the bad things you want about me. Go for it.

Make up to four icons
Use caps given or find your own
Anything goes/Lj standards
Due July 22nd, midnight
( Read more... )

Vote for the top three


( voting )

I've realized lately that I am so incredibly lonely while being online. I just stare at my computer sometimes not IMing anyone when I have a full buddy list on all messengers. Usually I talk to people or IM them, but lately, I haven't. I go into a dA chatroom, and I don't talk as much as I used to. I feel detached and alienated. I feel like... I don't really know. Unloved and unwanted. And I don't like it. I keep trying to change it, but I'm finding it difficult. I never felt like I was alone ever when I'm online, but now I do. I find that sad.

Thank yous go out to Sarah and Allie. Sarah sent me a huge box of food and other goodies through UPS. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you so much. Allie sent me a cute sound-greeting card (Clint Eastwood, Good Bad and Ugly theme) and a 25 dollar iTunes giftcard. Thanks hon.

The jobless woes continue. I'm applying to jobs in Washington DC, Virginia and Maryland now. If I can't get a job this summer, I'll get one in the fall. I'm also trying to find a work study job, a new one. I'm tired of my old one. I hate my boss and I hate where I worked. I think I'll do a library workstudy job. Or maybe the SubHub.

I haven't had much desire to write, which sucks. The query letter, a new novel, the rewrite of CIT, and a few fics and short stories are just sitting on my desktop, untouched. I also am losing faith with studying for the GRE. I keep trying to improve my verbal score, but I keep fucking up. I'm horrible at this shit. Math I'm doing better in as I keep trying and learning. I find it hilarious that I'm fucking up in verbal, while I'm scoring okay in math, when for the SAT, I was completely the opposite. At least my writing skills are okay.

So instead of doing all of that, I've been watching a lot of old cartoon shows. For the past couple hours, like eight to nine hours, I've been watching Dragonball Z episodes on Youtube. I skipped through episodes to watch the ones I liked. Earlier in the week I did that with Sailor Moon, and then a week ago with all of Batman: The Animated Series, and Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. I think I'm gonna watch some more old cartoons. Maybe Rocko is online, that'd be swell.

This also means I've been sleeping irregularly. I don't really sleep. It's just small bursts here and there. Consequently that means I've been getting migraines. Usually what I do is sleep all day, and be up all night writing and working and studying. But the past few weeks that's been fucked up. So I just take naps where I can.

Alright, I need to go watch something now, because while I've been typing this, I've had Vegeta in my head narrating the whole time. It's kind of hilarious, because sometimes my voice tries to come in, and then Vegeta's comes right after, rofl. I know, I'm sick in the mind, but it's me, and everyone thinks I'm crazy.

Here are the winners for challenge 123!
Thanks to everybody who voted! :)

( +++++++++++++++ )

Congratulations! :)
yunaroti will have your banners up soon!

- Check out challenge #124.
- Comments have been unscreened. Please ASK THE MAKER before snagging anything. :)

_aly

The following people either requested a skip or did not enter an icon so their skip is being used:
30. darlingbones *
26. shpalopropitka *
31. zippogirl *
o6. miss_un_known *
13. thedreamygirl *
23. caramelapples11 *
25. pickle_breath *

The following people were unable to submit an icon and with no skips available, are disqualified:
o9. nutmeg_05
12. mimosagrove

Rules

• Vote as a comment using the form located at the bottom of this post
• Vote for 2 least favorite icons, including reasons
• Vote for 1 favorite icon, including reasons
• Votes must be technical (eg. text doesn't compliment image, coloring is unbalanced, the contrast is too high), not personal (eg. I don't like the font, the coloring is gross, wtfomgbbq!)
• If there is a problem with your vote, I will ask you to correct it. If you do not correct it, your vote will not be counted
• Results announced Saturday with a new round posted immediately after
• Participants may not vote for themselves or get others to vote for them

( icons lie herein )

The current round deadline is in about 12hrs. I still need icons from the following people:
o1. terza_teabeef
o6. miss_un_known *
o9. nutmeg_05
12. mimosagrove
13. thedreamygirl *
23. caramelapples11 *
25. pickle_breath *
29. rebelstrike21 *
31. zippogirl *

terza_teabeef, nutmeg_05, and mimosagrove have no skips available. If you do not enter this round, you will be disqualified.

Here is the voting for Challenge #123! Small turnout, this week. Many thanks to those who entered!

RULES:
. DO NOT VOTE FOR YOURSELF!
. Do not ask anybody to vote for you!
. FILL THE WHOLE POLL, PLEASE!
. Anonymous/incomplete votes won't be counted
. Voting closes on Tuesday

( +++++++++++++++++++ )

_aly

Session Seven of Keira LIMS is starting tonight!!! :D :D :D
EVERYBODY must enter round one, or else you will be eliminated.

- You can't participate unless you are signed up here. You can sign up up until round one is over! So if you'd like to participate, go sign up! :D
- Icon must be in LJ standard, no animation, and no other pictures (except stock).
- USE THE FORM TO ENTER YOUR ICON.
- Deadline: Friday, July 24 For the first round, you get two weeks to enter. However, each other round will only be one week.


click to enlarge:


Copy and paste this form in a comment:
<b>Your Number:</b> <b>Icon:</b> <img src="URL HERE"> <b>URL:</b> URL HERE


ICON:
01. allllure *
03. darlingbones *
04. miss_grain *
06. robe_r0uge *
07. hpnarnia *
08. setentpet *
09. purple_wings *
10. gerryswenchie *
11. visionsbeyond *
12. fare_lady *
15. narniacmr *
17. piratesoul *
21. nutmeg_05 *
22. alice_trip *
27. nicole_nut *
28. sophie_lizzie *
29. apologizeg *

NO ICON:
02. airling *
05. vesisade *
13. brokat *
14. stam_fan17 *
16. reich_2 *
18. redhour *
19. bubba_rum *
20. gilded_glamour *
24. lupinlicious *
25. spriink *
26. ani_baby *
30. nikkidot *

SKIPS MAY NOT BE USED IN THIS ROUND!

Have fun! :)

_aly

Don't forget, the current round is due Tuesday. I still need icons from the following people:

o1. terza_teabeef
o6. miss_un_known *
o7. kiki_fan187
o9. nutmeg_05
12. mimosagrove
13. thedreamygirl *
15. karlakaine
23. caramelapples11 *
25. pickle_breath *
26. shpalopropitka *
27. overevery *
28. coffee_scented *
29. rebelstrike21 *
31. zippogirl *
32. star_girl42 *
* - skip available

We have two pics from the recent photoshoot Keira did with James McAvoy *_*

RULES:
. NO ANIMATION ALLOWED
. Icon(s) must fit LJ standards
. Use only the pictures provided
. Brushes, textures, etc. are welcome
. You can submit up to TWO [2] icons
. You CAN reuse the pictures
. Blending is allowed
. New, fresh icons, you make
. Entries are to remain anonymous until winners are announced
. Suggest a challenge!
. Have fun :)


click to enlarge

DEADLINE: Sunday July 19th 1PM GMT (WORLD CLOCK)
ENTRIES: 10

1st Place
mummy_daydream
( the rest of the winners )

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/07/sunday-secrets_12.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.








-----Email Message-----

I'm an avid gardener and 50, and have been making plans where to start my first crop :)
































-----Email Message-----

It's Sunday and I am carefully watching the visitor count at the very bottom of this page. I am going to try to be your quarter billionth visitor!


-----Email Message-----

It was 2:16 AM in NJ when I was on - and so were 614 others. It finally shook that feeling that was keeping me awake. The feeling of being alone.










-----Email Message-----

I live in Tennessee, so I have taken countless childhood field trips to the falls. Now that I look back on it, a giant underground waterfall probably ISN'T the safest environment for children. :)


-----Email Message-----

One of my fondest childhood memories was a trip to Chattanooga with my family when I was eight. I was so shy back then, but the friendly tour guides at Ruby Falls were so nice to me and seemed to enjoy talking to everyone that they inspired me to break out of my shell. When I got home from the trip I made my very first friends at school. Thanks for that.




-----Email Message-----

My memories working at 31 Flavors involve dry ice bombs in the parking lot. But I really hope people mail more "secret acts of kindness" like yours.




-----Email Message-----

Thank you for opening my mind to the fact that those people in my own life deserve thanks! I'll be making a few phone calls tonight.



I am thrilled to present the cover for the new PostSecret book which has more than 250 never-before-seen secrets.

Pre-order your copy today. (Thanks for supporting PostSecret.)

If you've mailed a secret to me and haven't seen it posted, you may find it in this book.





Saturday Secrets & More . . . Follow PostSecret on Twitter.

 
Extending to July 18th. Enter HERE.

Don't forget to enter challenge #123! We only have 6 entries so far, and I'd love to see more. :D

ENTER HERE

Challenge ends this Sunday.

_aly

DON'T FORGET TO SIGN UP! Session Seven will start TOMORROW. :D

_aly

I'm so sorry for not posting this on time guys, it won't happen again!

Make up to four icons
Use caps given or find your own
Anything goes/Lj standards
Due July 15th, midnight

( Read more... )

Vote for the top 3

( Read more... )